It is well
This is part of my
testimony written for the Connect and Home Healing Services on 22 Jan 2023 at
Trinity Methodist Church, Linden. My hubby and daughter have happily consented
to this testimony, but for the purposes of this online platform, I have
referred to them only as N and R.
I have agonised for a long time over telling this story, because it's not all mine to tell. This is a story about our daughter, her fragility and her resilience. But since I'm the one God picked to be her Mom, and since I have walked her journey most closely with her and had my own experience of it, and since I am also a child of God, I feel I can share it, all to His glory. A week ago, I didn’t know that I would be doing this testimony today. It’s stayed neatly packed away in my subconscious for 3½ years. But between pastor Brett’s message and the worship, I viscerally felt God telling me that today, in this Healing Service, was the day.
R was born in June 2018 following a routine and happy pregnancy. She was about 3 weeks old when we first noticed the little bumps on her cheeks. People told us not to worry, that it was baby acne and would pass, but by 6 weeks her face was covered, and it was obvious that she had severe eczema.
At our 6 week check-up, the assigned paed at the hospital suggested cortisone cream. But after each doing independent research, N and I prayerfully decided that using it would be treating the symptom rather than the cause, and would probably mean sentencing R to a lifetime of having to apply it. We decided to try help her as naturally as possible, by controlling her diet, and to go the homeopathic route. I am an analytical chemist so I should be the last person to practice homeopathy, but I have seen it work time and time again. That said, I am not here to push the concept at all, I’m merely sharing our journey.
R at 4 months
And what a journey it was. There were so many ups and downs. N has been my rock through it all and R is so blessed to have him as her Daddy. I don’t know what she and I would have done without him. And I don’t know what we would have done without our precious family- my folks, N’s parents and sister, were there with us through everything, doing their best to help where they could.
R at 7 months
R’s eczema developed into chronic cradle cap that covered her head and down to her eyebrows. Then that cleared, but the eczema spread to the rest of her body, behind her knees, on the inside of her elbows, her thighs, tummy and back. At one stage, the only place she didn’t have it was her little bottom!
As her Mom, I felt utterly hopeless and helpless. I did
everything I could to keep her comfortable, and try to deal with all that goes
with having a new baby. Our daily routine became something I clung to, because
it was the one thing I had control over. For the first year of her life, R and
I didn’t get much sleep, she would only manage 1 or 2 hours at a stretch, and
my record for getting up in one night was 13 times. The only time I got to
sleep through was if we had a sleepover at my folks, and my precious Mom could
get up for her. Sleep deprived was an understatement, I actually have no idea
now how I survived.
N and R at 11 months
When I would get up to feed her at night, I would sit and sing the chorus of “It is well” over and over. “Holy Spirit, you are welcome here. Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere, Your glory God is what our hearts long for, to be overcome by your spirit, Lord.” and “through it all, through it all, my eyes are on Him, and it is well, with me.” So actually, I do know how I survived – He was there with us through it all. I still sing that song to R every day before her nap.
Once of the things I battled the most with, was the judgement that I experienced from complete strangers. For some reason, when a woman is pregnant or has a small baby with her, people feel entitled to share their insights and thoughts and advice. This can sometimes lead to some very precious moments. But when your little helpless baby looks like mine did, these interactions can be quite overwhelming and, at times, crushing. I used to spend ages in Dis-Chem, looking at various supposedly hypoallergenic baby washes or shampoos or lotions, scouring through their lists of ingredients, trying to find similarities or differences in the hopes of finding a way to care for my baby without harming her at the same time. I often didn’t buy anything, I think just the act of being there made me feel like I was doing something tangible in this fight against her eczema. People would sometimes draw back in horror when they saw R, asking me how did she get burnt or how could I let this happen to her. I don’t know how many of those people actually saw that I was close to tears. I used to go back to the car, get her strapped in, and just sob.
By the time she was 3 months, she was getting
delightfully dextrous. We were, of course, grateful that she was, but it also
meant that she became that much better at scratching her poor itching body. We
couldn’t hold her, or hug her, because she would use the opportunity to rub
herself against us, flaking her skin off and exposing raw, weepy skin
underneath. We had a bib on her all the time, to try save some of her clothes
from the yellow ooze. My maternity bras and vests were stained by it from our
feeds. If she managed to get out of her swaddles at night, I would be greeted
by a blood bath when I next went into her room – she would scratch her little
face to ribbons, and the swelling would take days to subside. This, in spite of
me trimming her little nails every single day. You would be horrified, but I
actually had to sew a strap that went around her hands and pulled them down to
her lap to hold them there so that she couldn’t scratch her face. It was the
only way I could travel in the car with her on my own.
The 3 of us, R at 6 months
Despite everything, R was an incredibly happy baby. She
was always smiling or giggling, and only moaned or cried when she became
especially frustrated that we wouldn’t let her scratch. She has always been my
little trooper.
We took homeopathic advice from several doctors, but we
always seemed to take 2 steps forward and 1 step back. We had decided to try move
to Blairgowrie, to be closer to our Village, and our Moms, bless them, each did
research on homeopaths nearby. There was 1 common name on their lists, and I
took it as a sign - we started seeing Dr Long in May 2019. She has been a
pillar of strength to me personally and her open-mindedness in practicing homeopathy
has been exactly what we need.
This is an extract from my journal on the 10th
of July 2019: “Please Lord, continue to hold my little girl (and us) as we wait
for Your miracle of healing. I know she will one day enjoy a comfortable life,
and us with her, even though right now that day feels far away. Lord, thank you
for stretching my faith and I pray that you would help me to rise to the
challenges that I am experiencing so that I can glorify You. I’m really
struggling to stay strong, courageous, patient and graceful Lord. Please hold
me, as Your little girl, as I do my
best to help R. I’m weary and I’m weak, but I can do all things through You
because you give me strength.”
R at 1 year, June 2019, having had eczema from 3 weeks
One month later, July 2019
And so, started our miracle week…Later that day, R and I
went to see Dr Long, she repertorised a new remedy and we gave R a single dose.
That night, we heard that our house in Sunninghill had sold. The next day, Dr
Long agreed that we should start giving R Zinplex, which was mentioned by a
close friend after she clicked on an article by mistake and felt called to
share it with us. On the Friday we heard that our offer on the house in
Blairgowrie had been accepted. By Sunday, R was already showing signs of marked
improvement. By Wed 17 Jul, she looked almost completely clear and slept
through the night for the first time. By Friday 19 Jul, her skin looked as
though she had never had eczema. I remember just staring at her, and realising
that for the first time I was seeing my daughter instead of the eczema.
Our journey of healing to that point took over a year. My
journal is full of prayers and entries just like the one above. Now, R’s skin
looks beautiful, but we have learned that she is severely allergic to dairy,
eggs, fish, nuts and grass, and she experiences occasional reactions and flare-ups.
But overall she is a healthy, vibrant, delightful 4½ year old who brings joy to
our lives (and adds grey hairs to my head in the best ways possible). She
remains my little trooper – the strongest fragile person I know. While our prayer
for total healing continues, we are so grateful for the way that God holds us
through the journey and we trust that His delays are not denials and that His
timing is perfect.
Further healing has happened through me sharing
this testimony. I hadn’t realised that I needed to properly deal with emotions
that got shunted to the side for a whole year because I was in survival mode.
When Brett mentioned that this week would be a Healing Service, a little
thought popped into my head that maybe it was the right time to tell this
story. And I immediately squashed it. And then the worship team started singing
“It is well” and I felt like I had been punched. It is the clearest calling I
have ever had from God and I’m grateful that I’ve been able to answer it.